Study Finds That Over 75% of Pawn Shops Have Gimps in the Basement!

Earlier this week, Reader’s Digest released a shocking new study. In America, 78% of pawn shops have at least one gimp tied up in the basement. Once thought to be a joke or merely fictional, this trend is threatening to overtake every pawn shop. To understand this problem, we must first define it. I did some scholarly research.

Webster’s Dictionary defines a gimp as “a weird dude, probably in black leather, and definitely in a mask who lives in the basement of a pawn shop as some kind of sex slave.” The dictionary defines a pawn shop as “a store where goods and money are exchanged. Also, where gimps live.”

Pawn shop owner Roy R. McGready addressed the Gimp issue directly: “Yeah, we’ve got a gimp in the basement. What of it?”