Woman’s Bestselling Memoir A Fake! / ALSO: A Special Offer – Buy My New Memoir!

"Love and Consequences," a memoir by Margaret B. Jones, tells the amazing story of her childhood amid poverty and violence in the harsh inner city of South Central Los Angeles. It’s a moving and powerful look at the society we’re born into. The only problem with this “true” story? It’s 100% fiction. That’s right, Jones admitted to The New York Times that she falsified her entire memoir. All copies of this book are being recalled and an embarrassed Jones has been ostracized by the literary community. This cautionary tale just goes to show that no matter how desperately you may need to meet a publishing deadline, or how broke and in need a quick and easy paycheck you might be, it never pays to publish lies and make up information about yourself.

Well, now appears as good a time as any for me to introduce my soon-to-be-released memoir “First Son of the Earth.” This 1872-page book (I prefer to call it an “experience”) should be on bookshelves any day now. It follows my life, from a young tadpole born into a poor but loving Inuit family in rural Alaska, to a bold bullfrog graduating from law school simultaneously at both Harvard and Yale. Don’t worry, my memoir rips along at a brisk pace and the 1800+ pages fly by and seem more like 1600+ pages.

I leave out no detail of my life from my ill-fated Space Mission (Chapter 14: Apollo Friday the 13th) to my extended run as World Boxing Middleweight Champion of the World (Chapter 22: The Count of Monte Fisto). I delve into my years as a lion-tamer with a debilitating heroin addiction (Chapter 31: Straight-line to the Big Top) and my experience being reborn as a Christian (Chapter 35: Hey Jesus, I’m Baaaaack!). I also spend a chapter explaining how for several years in the early 1990s my job was to come up with humorous chapter titles for books (Chapter 43: Chapter 43). I hope you’ll check out my book (and by “check out” I mean “buy”, not check out from a library because that would be stupid).

This book is therapeutic. This book is beautiful. This book is $99.95 at your local retailer.